Tees Maar Khan – Horrifying Misadventure

Farah Khan’s previous 2 films ‘Main Hoon Na’ and ‘Om Shanti Om’ were inspired from 1970s Bollywood Cinema. In her third outing as director of Tees Maar Khan she mercilessly copies from little known Hollywood film ‘After the Fox’ starring Peter Sellers. TMK is almost an unofficial remake of that movie with of course the Bollywood twists, turns, item numbers and utter nonsense thrown in.

Akshay Kumar plays  Tabrez Mirza Khan or ‘Tees Maar Khan’ who is the most dreaded conman in the world !! He escapes from right under the nose of Police  every time he is caught. As the film progresses he and his faithful hencemen called dollar, soda and burger are given a task of looting Antiques worth crores from a moving train. For this he portrays himself a Hollywood director and decides to hire services on hundreds of innocent villagers on the pretext of making a Film in their village Dhuliya. Katrina Kaif plays the dumb girlfriend who aspires to be an actress in the film. Akshaye Khanna plays a superstar aspiring to win an ‘Oscar’ by doing such a film. The film is shot, villagers are fooled, banks is robbed, ghosts are caught, the loot happens and TMK is caught but once again he escapes in the end. This above paragraph somehow summarizes the story but then there are supposedly comic scenes and spoofs and item numbers and jokes and cliches all in this 2 hour long movie. All kinds of weird acting funny characters are assembled in this film including chief villains being conjoined twins, a bumbling police commissioner, village buffoons of all kind and so on !!

I always trusted Farah Khan to come up with something nice and witty especially as she loves to play tributes and homages to past films and makers and she is as ‘Bollywood’ as one can be without feeling guilty about it. But this time she has gone overboard with spoofing everybody that came to her mind and making spoof after spoof  and over spoofing. It seems either she has run out of fresh ideas and repeating her own cliched ideas of filmy maa, dumb heroine, everybody in village being so glamor struck and dumb etc. She has gone the ‘Priyadarshan’ and ‘Anees Bazmi’  way of making stupid films and then overdoing it or maybe she is just influenced by her not-so-smart husband who is not only the editor, but story writer, music director ( for title song), lyricist, producer and what not for this film. The film tries to mock everybody and everything but unlike her previous film ‘Om Shanti Om’ most of her jokes fall flat and people almost know what is coming even before the joke starts.

There are jokes and there are jokes within jokes and then there is Tees Maar Khan where the joke starts at the beginning and never ends, it goes on and on. Katrina Kaif plays the dumbest heroine you would ever see on film screen and you do not even laugh at her dumbness after a while. You can laugh at Avatar Gill spoofing A.K. Hangal’s blind man act once  but not every time he comes on screen, it gets irritating after a while to see Akshaye Khanna obsessed with the Oscars.  The dialogues like ‘Tawaiif ki lootati ijjat aur TMK ko jail mein rakhna na-mumkin hai’ and ‘ khanon mein khan- tees maar khan’ gets to you after a while. The conjoined villainous twins are ridiculous. There are racial jokes, jokes on poor villagers and crass humor. What on earth was that plot about headless ghost and missing children growing ‘Ganja’ in some jungle and that villager sitting on top of the tree?? The end credits gives ‘ oscars’ to all those who were involved with this film and Farah in the end gets a Filmfare as all Oscar trophies are with her husband !!

Farah Khan who was my choice for Manmohan Desai’s ‘heir apparent’ in Bollywood has clearly disappointed this time. From situational comedies and genuine spoofs she has come down to the level of Golmaals and Housefulls with slapstick comedy. I always thought Farah Khan as a filmmaker was much superior then her weirdo brother Sajid Khan or for that matter most commecial Hindi filmmakers, but after TMK, I need to re-think that.

The film did have an interesting plot to begin with and lot could have been done with it but it seems the makers decided the plot, the funny characters, the dialogues and Akshay Kumar’s charisma would make the film sail. But the dialogues are cliches, jokes are hardly comic, comedy is of slapstick genre and Akshay Kumar’s charisma is fading. Item numbers can only do so much and after watching ‘Sheila ki Jawani’ about 1000 times on various television promos, it hardly registers when you watch it in movie hall, although it indeed is very well choreographed  like most songs by Farah khan are. Katrina Kaif was never a good actress and here she shows how dumb she can be. She is just a glamor doll fit to do roles where she doesnt have to speak. She hams throughout the film. Akshaye Khanna and his horrendous wig,  what is he doing in the film, only he and his fat bank-cheque knows, he is paid to overact at every scene and he succeeds there, overdoing his bit at times  but then his role is meant to be like that.

It is an out an out Akshay Kumar movie, almost a portfolio for things he can do but this time it fails miserably. Akshay Kumar plays the role effortlessly but is so repetitive that people were yawning at some of his cliched lines which he keeps repeating. Akshay Kumar tries to do everything from hamming to overacting and playing it out loud and romantic at the same time. We have been watching this Akshay Kumar show reel in so many of his films that one more attempt looks boring.  Other actors like Arya Babbar, Sachin Khedekar, Ali Asgar are caricaturish. Salman Khan in a small cameo in the ‘wallah’ song almost promises to give some relief and there is no doubt about who is the biggest crowd pull in a theater these days.

Since this is the big holidays season and most people here and everywhere else have nothing better to do, they go out and watch films. Most times films are tailor-made for this season and most times they succeed. This film too might get the large numbers in at the box office and huge amount of money, in fact it has already begun on 100% openings at most places, but as far as cinema goes this film pushes Bollywood 5 years behind. What have you done Farah ?

My Ratings – 4.5/10 –  I am generous because of Christmas

P.S. I heard they have already decided to make a sequel !!.. * faints*

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Sheila ki Jawani – Tees Maar Khan – Item Song

The Item number from the year end release Tees Maar Khan called ‘Sheila ki Jawani’ featuring Katrina Kaif and Akshay Kumar. The song is sung by Sunidhi Chauhan and music is by Vishal-Shekhar.

Katrina Kaif gives her best possible jhatkas to woo the audience in this item number. In my opinion she is still not match for the ‘Munni’ song though.

Aakrosh – Something’s Burning

Aakrosh stars Ajay Devgn and Akshaye Khanna 2 CBI officers sent to a small village in Bihar to investigate mysterious disappearance and possible murders of 3 Young Delhi men. Investigating possibly a case of caste related murders the 2 cops encounter corrupt local police, corrupt politicians and a village largely divided by caste.

The movie directed by Priyadarshan has all the right intentions. The film reflects the condition of ‘inner’ India we generally do not get to see but just hear about in television channels and read about them in newspapers. It also bears resemblance to ‘Khap’ murders in Haryana which recently shocked the nation. The film has all the right intentions,  a serious enough topic and decent acting from the leads. But the film has one major flaw and that is that it is a frame-by-frame copy of Hollywood film ‘Mississippi Burning’ starring Gene Hackman and William Defoe. The problems between black and white in rural southern America is replaced here by divide between upper and lower castes. The Ku Klux Klan is replaced by Shool Sena and burning Trishuls replace burning crosses and you have a perfectly valid Indian Bollywood film.

Of course, being a Bollywood film it has more flaws then you can count. The love story track involving Bipasha Basu is absolutely needless and somehow Bollywood always manages a space  for unwanted ‘item numbers’ involcing Sameera Reddy. The film is also way too long and is never ending. Some of the portions are also inspired from other Bollywood films including one scene straight out of ‘Mirch Masala’ starring Naseeruddin Shah.

Ajay Devgn looks convincing as the hot headed officer and Akshay Khanna hams a bit as the logical one. There are far too many action scenes and chases sequences and stunts in this serious topic based film diluting its impact. Some of the stunts like Ajay riding on top of the car and jumping from one tree to other and sliding under a  moving express train and park-our type chase are totally misfit in this kind of film. Akshaye Khanna has horrible wig and Paresh Rawal as corrupt Bihari cop is nice and has done an out an out negative role after a long time. Bipasha Basu as Presh Rawal’s wife cannot much act and looks unconvincing. The entire issue of caste based divide in Indian Society is such a serious issue but it seems to have been trivialized a bit and the makers have made an action film out of it.

You can watch this film as it has the right intentions but couldnt the makers have made a serious film on serious topic like this more imaginatively and without copying the Hollywood film so blatantly ?

My Ratings –  5/10 –  Watch it for the serious issue

Which of these year end Bollywood movies would be successful at the Box Office ?

Which of these year end Bollywood movies would be successful at the Box Office?

First of the block is Anjaana Anjaani – Starring Ranbir Kapoor and Priyanka Chopra crisscrossing across American Highways, directed by Siddharth Anand. The films release was pushed back by a week ancipating the ‘Babri’ trial verdict, but now even the verdict has been postponed. Lets see if the film is able to weather this storm and also Rajnikanth’s mega blockbuster Robot (dubbed in Hindi from Tamil original Endhiran) also starring Aishwarya Rai, releases on the same day.

Then there is Aakrosh starring Ajay Devgn and Akshaye Khanna about the ‘honour killing’ issue directed by Priyadarshan. This movie has been postponed till 15th October and is currently battling the Censor Board about the sensitive issue it is tackling. Jhootha Hi Sahi starring John Abraham directed by Abbas Tyrewala releases the same day as well. In between Emraan Hashmi’s Crook about racism problems with Indian students in Australia and Knock Out starring Sanjay Dutt, Irrfan and Kangana Ranaut which seems like inspired from Hollywood movie ‘ Phone Booth’. Then there is Raktha Charitra – I by Ramgopal Verma starring Shatrughan Sinha, Vivek Oberoi and Surya about the noted gangster Paritala Ravi.

Diwali in early November sees two big releases confronting for the box office success. Golmaal -3 stars the usual Golmaal gang of Ajay Devgn, Tushaar Kapoor, Arshad Warsi along with Kareena Kapoor as one of the ‘boys’ this time. This film clashes with Vipul Shah directed Action Replayy starring Akshay Kumar and Aishwarya Rai going back in time with the retro 70s look. 19th November sees Hrithik Roshan as paraplegic with nurse Aishwarya Rai in Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s much awaited Guzaarish. There is also Break ke Baad starring Imran Khan and Deepika Padukone directed by Kunal Kohli

December sees Ashutosh Gowariker’s  Khelein Hum Jee Jan Sey based on Chittagong Mutiny of 1930 starring Abhishek Bachchan and Deepika Padukone. End of December sees probabaly the biggest film of the season Tees Maar Khan directed by Farah Khan starring Akshay Kumar, Akshaye Khanna and Katrina Kaif.

Apart from these big films there are many small films, medium films, art-house films all set to unfurl on the Box office during this end of the year period. Let us see which one amongst them are successful.

Tees Maar Khan – First Look

Here’s the First look of ‘Tees Maar Khan’ – the year end bonanza to be released on Christmas. The film stars Akshay Kumar, Akshaye Khanna, Katrina Kaif and is directed by Farah Khan.

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